Tears and Fire

     Again, another poem I found in the notes on my iPod. This one I wrote on July 28th 2013. Not sure what I was doing that day either or what I was feeling, but hey, here it is;

Tears and Fire

 

Tears stream down my face

All I ever wanted was love

All I wanted was you to be happy and to love yourself as I love you.

Why do I feel like this? So broken and desolate

 

Lost without reason or meaning

All I can think of is you and your well being.

Is this right?

Where do I land in this, where is my importance?

 

Am I merely a pebble to be kicked aside?

I feel like nothing, and yet I long to be something.

The tears continue pouring out, where do I go from here?

Forced to my knees, I fear this is the end

 

Can I give up now?

Is the pain finished hurting me?

How could  you betray me?

After all I did for you....

 

Please please love yourself as I love you.

Hypocrisy as it may be, for I find it hard to love myself

but loving you is what I know.

 

I'm falling out of space and time

my life and worth are but a needle's point above a burning flame

Wanting to melt away, but unable to.

 

Toss me into the fire

watch me light and burn

perhaps the pain will soothe the hurt I feel inside

I can't keep living without you here with me

 

I love you

I need you

Please, love you

and love me too

 

 

-Mitchell Linford Clark

 

     I apologize that so many of my poems and writings seem so depressing and dark, I do try to write positive ones. It's just that for me, writing poetry is a healthy way for me to release negative emotions. I promise that what I write isn't necessarily what I believe or feel, rather it's just a manifestation of my feelings in the moment, not the long-run.

Love you all

Torn

     First off, I found this on my iPod yesterday in my notes. Apparently I wrote it on August 2nd 2013. I'm not sure what I was doing that day, or what I was feeling, but hey, it's a poem right? And this is my blog of my poems so here ya go:

Torn

 

The pain of mortality is sinking in

A sting as though a burning blade

To watch you destroy yourself from within

and to stand idle with nothing I can do

 

Ripped apart and left behind

my life fails to realign

I'm falling out of space and time

nothing now to hold me tight

 

When friendship seems to all but fade

lost within this darkening shade

Alone and lost within myself

fear and worry seem to win themselves

 

I need to just hold you close

to feel your love to feel your trust

I can't continue as a prisoner locked inside eternal hate

I need to be set free from this all

 

To feel loved and important to you

I'm tired and worn

I can't lift my head

I'm falling from this broken and torn

 

I wait for you

to feel your touch

yet no feeling comes

I am torn

 

-Mitchell Linford Clark



War

I'm at war within myself. Which side will win? Good or evil, does it matter? I know what I believe, I know what I know, but a side of me doesn't want to let it show. Part of me wants something else, something different. A contradiction, a front, a lie.

Which do I feed and which do I starve? The wolves at war within me, growing strong when I feed them, growing weak when I starve them. Which will I feed today? Good or bad, right or wrong, happiness versus misery, truth against lies. But this is me, not desire, not selfishness.

I am a son of God, that is me. I am Mitchell Clark. I am a warrior, a fighter. I have scars to prove it. I've felt pain, experienced heart break, felt hopeless and beyond saving. I've cried myself to sleep, wished I could die, thought of taking my life, hurt myself, but still I survive. I am a warrior, a fighter.

A voice inside me tells me to give in, to give up. Do I let it win me? Do I give up all I've worked for to please this feeling? Or do I hold my head up, realize all I have, and continue to fight as a warrior and son of God? The answer seems obvious, I know what I should be doing and what would bring me happiness, yet still the war rages on.

Fighting, I triumph, tire and rest, I fall. Feeding the enemy I slip, feeding my spirit I rise. This war is my fight, my choice. I could give up and surrender, for that would bring peace, would it not? Or would it bring further pain and misery simply disguised as peace? This fight, this war, it's mine. I accepted it when I chose God's plan. I'm elect and chosen of God, as we all are. I am an heir to God's powers and glory. I could choose lust, flesh, and temporary happiness and give it all away, or I can be true to what I know and believe.

This is my war. I am a warrior, a fighter.

I am a son of God.

 

 

-Mitchell Linford Clark

The Falling pt 3 "Hitting Bottom, Willing Direction"

Hitting Bottom, Willing Direction

 

I've been taking it all upon myself

Hurting myself for wrongs not mine

wrongs perhaps no ones, belonging to none, blame misplaced, unneeded

While pain still lingers, hurt seems to lessen

 

I still dream of you often, long for your embrace

Yet perhaps I'm letting this take me to a dark and lonely place

The weight of all my weakness, like a chain holding me down

I need to trust in you to take them, to lift me from this ground.

 

I though I knew my path

I thought I knew my way

Figured I could do it on my own

 that I didn't need you to stay

 

I turned away from what I once knew

Left it all in the dust

Turned my back on you while still you loved me

Now I'm trying to earn back my own trust

 

I know now what I need to do, my only question is how?

How can I turn this around when I've done you so much wrong?

You love me no matter what I do, a concept that astounds me

This love I need to trust again to carry me and guide me

 

-Mitchell L.Clark



The Falling pt 2 "Recollection"

Recollection

 

I need to feel you here beside me

I need to hear you say my name

I called out to you and asked for love

But you never answered, you never came

 

I remember the day I made you that promise

That I'd always be your friend

But I don't know if it was ever mutual or shared

Because here I am alone again

 

I scream, I cry, I hurt inside

Pain seems to be my equal, my only flame

I'm broken, destroyed, without heart or care

Carry me from all this rubble, save me this accursed day

 

comfort seems to all but vanish

Co vey et enlyava vsetok oloka-ay

I'm lost without you today

 

-Mitchell L.Clark

 

This is part 2 to The Falling. Part 3 "Hitting Bottom, Willing Direction" coming soon.

The Falling pt 1 "Descent"

Descent

 

I'm falling out of space and time

All recollection of what once was of me is lost

Backs are being turned towards me, even my own

The face looking at me from in the mirror is far from home

 

Ragged, beaten, torn & bruised

Who is this stranger inhabiting my soul?

A dark, quiet corner calls to me

To sit in lonely silence without a name

 

I remember the feeling of your arms around me

But now I know it'll never be the same

Is it the quiet longing in my eyes, the bitter shame hidden in the lies?

Or is it really me inside?

 

-Mitchell L.Clark

 

This is part one to a multi-section poem/creative writing I'm making. More parts to come soon.

Found

I'm walking alone in the dark, lost, forgotten, and sad. Forgetting all that I had. As I walk alone in the dark, I see a light in the distance, but I fall into too much resistance. The dark is holding me back from the light I see in the black. I walk, I run, but there's no sun, not a bump or a crack.

I begin to feel that I see a person walking next to me. Is it possible I'm not alone in the darkness that now is my home? This person takes up my hand and lifts me as if from the sand. He tells me that I'll be okay, and asks me if I'd like to stay. I point towards the light as his face turns to delight. "You cannot get there alone, but I will not leave you on your own."

I look then to the light which seems almost twice as bright. I look back to the man and realize He is gone. I again begin to feel alone, until out of the darkness I see shining people walking towards me. As they come closer and closer to me, I realize how great they must be. They look down at me with a smile as though that had known me quite awhile.

My memory came back to me, and I remembered who they used to be. My friends, my wonderful friends, who had come with me to the end. But they picked me up and carried me down to the light I had seen. Free, I was free from the lonely dark that had held me! My friends, my wonderful friends, had picked me up and saved me again. I knew God knew what I needed because He is always there for me.

 

-Mitchell L.Clark

Lifted

You're one whose always loved me

held me down when hard winds blew

You gave me comfort in the darkness

Lifted me up when I felt blue

 

Gave me strength in my weakness

helped me up when I fell down

Never once left me missing

I feel your love all around

 

You've led me on my way

on a road that is new

I'm not lost when you've found me

I am strong when I'm with you

 

You're the one who has saved me

from the darkness in myself

took me up and raised me

how could I ask for anything else?

 

Dedicated to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

-Mitchell L.Clark